I was out with friends last night, and we were discussing some of the obstacles that discourage young men from getting married at a young age, as many once did. Three reasons stood out to me: (1) fear of divorce, (2) difficulty finding women willing to buck the trend and marry early, and (3) the lack of encouragement for men to see early marriage and child-rearing as a net positive in every aspect of their lives. In this post, I’d like to address third reason. The most anti-marriage and misguided way to think about marriage is to view it as “settling down.” For young men, marriage and children are actually a way to level up and upgrade their lives.
[And, no, I’m not treating marriage as an idol so you can move on]
Here’s a common perspective on why people are delaying marriage that might resonate with young men today. First, increased access to higher education and financial independence means more people are prioritizing their careers and delaying commitment. Financial stability is also a big factor—many believe they need to be more secure before handling the responsibilities of marriage and family life. Additionally, cohabitation has become more common, as it allows couples to test their compatibility without the pressure of commitment. Personal growth, or “soul-searching,” is another reason—some want more life experiences before settling down. Finally, modern attitudes towards sex and birth control reduce the pressure to marry, as casual relationships and even parenthood are often seen as possible without marriage.
While these reasons might seem appealing on the surface, they often delay deeper fulfillment and the growth that comes from committing to marriage and family.
There is something better, both practically and theologically.
Why Marriage is a Great Practical Deal for Men: Three Key Benefits
Some people might say marriage is a bad deal for men, but Dr. Brad Wilcox breaks it down in a way that proves otherwise. Here's why young men you should think twice before writing off early marriage:
Married Men Are Richer: It’s not just about love—marriage can actually help you grow your bank account. Wilcox points out that men who stay married end up with much more wealth than their single or divorced peers. Research even shows that married men earn 26% more than their single twin brothers. Marriage pushes men to work harder and smarter, and the financial rewards are clear.
Married Men Are Happier: Happiness matters. According to studies, married men are nearly twice as likely to describe themselves as "very happy" compared to single men. Married dads especially report high levels of life satisfaction, meaning marriage adds purpose and meaning. Feeling fulfilled and content sounds a lot better than drifting aimlessly, right?
Married Men Are Healthier: It turns out that being married can even keep you healthier. Unmarried men are at a much higher risk of “deaths of despair” like suicide and substance abuse. Wilcox highlights how marriage has a protective effect, especially for men. It helps keep you grounded and gives you stability, both emotionally and physically.
In short, marriage helps men become wealthier, happier, and healthier. Despite what some influencers say, there are real, tangible benefits to tying the knot—so it might be worth reconsidering your stance on marriage. Society needs more men who are thriving, and marriage seems to help men do just that in unexpected ways.
A Protestant Perspective: Why Marriage and Having Kids Early Is an Awesome Goal for Young Men
In The Christian Father's Present to His Children (1825), John Angell James provides timeless wisdom on why marriage and family should be pursued with careful thought but also embraced early for the right reasons. If you're a young man looking for a meaningful direction in life, here are some key takeaways from James that will help you see marriage and starting a family as an admirable and smart move:
Marriage Grounds You: James warns young people not to rush into romantic entanglements without careful thought, but he also emphasizes how a well-chosen marriage can ground you in life. Marriage is not just about love or attraction; it’s about finding someone who will help you grow emotionally and spiritually. He suggests that a good marriage makes you a better person—more responsible, more disciplined, and more focused on what truly matters.
For a man in his 20s, this means seeing marriage not as an anchor holding you back but as a platform that stabilizes your life so you can achieve more.
Building a Solid Future: James argues that marriage leads to maturity and financial stability. While he discourages imprudent marriages based solely on passion or without the means to support a family, he also points out that entering into marriage with proper planning leads to a life of purpose. When you're married and have children, you’re more likely to think long-term, work harder, and make smarter decisions.
In today's world, getting married young can actually give you a head start on building a stable, successful future. Rather than drifting, you're creating a meaningful life with someone who shares your goals.
Marriage and Children Bring Fulfillment: One of James's key points is that a life focused only on personal ambition—whether for wealth, status, or pleasure—ultimately leaves people feeling empty. True fulfillment comes from investing in others, especially in a spouse and children. By building a family, you’re contributing to something bigger than yourself and leaving a legacy.
For a young man, starting a family early can mean that by the time you hit your prime earning years, you’ll already have a solid family foundation, which brings both personal and spiritual fulfillment.
Marriage Protects Your Faith: James also speaks to the spiritual benefits of marriage, particularly when both partners share the same values. He warns against being "unequally yoked" with someone who doesn’t share your faith or moral outlook. Marrying someone with shared beliefs ensures that you’ll have a partner who supports you spiritually, helping you stay grounded in your values and raising your children with the same principles.
Marrying young, with a commitment to shared faith, means you’re creating a home that reflects your beliefs—something that will benefit you and your future children.
Children Enhance Marriage and Life’s Purpose: James emphasizes how children deepen the purpose of marriage. They are a blessing that adds joy and meaning to life. By raising children in a loving, stable home, you’re shaping the next generation with your values, which is a legacy worth aspiring to.
For a young man, having children early can be seen not as a burden, but as an opportunity to grow even more as a person. Being a father at a younger age means you have more energy and time to invest in their lives, all while building a strong family unit.
A Catholic Perspective: Why Marriage and Having Kids Early Is an Awesome Goal for Young Men
If you’re a young man, you might be thinking that chasing success, money, or personal achievements is the key to a good life. But the Roman Catholic Catechism offers a counterpoint that could make you rethink things. Here's why getting married young and having kids early is not only admirable but also an incredible way to live a meaningful and fulfilling life:
Marriage Was God’s Plan from the Beginning: Marriage isn’t just some human tradition—it’s God’s design for us. From the beginning of time, God created man and woman to be together in an intimate, loving relationship. The Catechism says marriage is written into our nature, meaning it’s not something to avoid or delay, but something we are meant for. And the cool part? This love isn’t just for us—it mirrors the love God has for us. That’s deep!
Marriage Makes You More Than You Can Be Alone: One of the big misconceptions out there is that being married and having kids will slow you down. But the Catechism highlights that marriage helps us overcome self-absorption and selfishness. It opens you up to self-giving love, mutual aid, and helps you grow as a person. When you marry, you aren’t just adding responsibilities—you’re gaining a partner in life who will help you become a better, stronger version of the person God intends for you to be.
Marriage and Kids Are a Path to Fulfillment: The pursuit of wealth or status might feel fulfilling in the short term, but it often leaves people empty and unsatisfied. The Catechism makes it clear that having children is the crowning glory of marriage. Children aren’t a burden—they’re the greatest gift of married life and the source of incredible joy and fulfillment. They help you connect to something bigger than yourself and give you purpose beyond material success.
Marriage Builds a Legacy: By getting married and having children, you’re not just building a family—you’re contributing to the future. The Catechism explains that parents are the primary educators of their children, not just in academics but in moral and spiritual life. You’ll have the opportunity to shape your children’s futures, instilling values and giving them a foundation to grow. This is a legacy far more lasting than any paycheck, job title, or vacations.
Marriage Helps You Grow Spiritually: Marriage isn’t just about two people coming together—it’s a sacrament. The Catechism teaches that the grace of marriage strengthens you and your spouse to help each other grow in holiness. It’s not always easy, but the challenges of marriage and family life help you become more selfless, more forgiving, and more like Christ. In a world obsessed with personal freedom and avoiding commitment, this spiritual growth is something truly valuable.
Money Isn’t Everything—Love and Family Are: It’s easy to idolize money and personal success, but the Catechism reminds us that those things don’t last. What truly matters is love—love between you and your spouse, and the love that extends to your children. Marriage isn’t about having “enough” money or the “perfect” life. It’s about building something meaningful with another person, supporting each other, and growing together through thick and thin.
In the name of God, I, ___, take you, ___, to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death. This is my solemn vow.
The Beauty of Marriage In The Life of A Man: A Life of Joy, Sacrifice, and Fulfillment
Marriage isn’t just a practical arrangement—it’s a beautiful, enriching journey that brings out the best in you as a man. Far from the modern misconceptions that tell you to delay marriage for career, personal growth, or financial stability, marriage offers something far greater. It’s a life filled with beauty, joy, and meaning, including the incomparable blessing of children. To embrace marriage early is to walk the noble path of sacrifice, discipline, and love—a path deeply rooted in the biblical calling for every man.
Marriage Is a Beautiful Partnership Rooted in Sacrifice: The Bible is filled with examples of marriage as a covenant of love, sacrifice, and devotion. In Ephesians 5:25, Paul instructs, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This is no small task. It’s a call to live a life of self-sacrifice, putting your wife and children’s needs before your own. The beauty of marriage lies in this daily act of sacrificial love, where every sacrifice makes you stronger, more disciplined, and more fulfilled as a man. Marriage sanctifies you.
Marriage doesn’t hold you back—it deepens your character and helps you grow into the man God has called you to be. In John 15:13, Jesus says, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.” Marriage is the ultimate reflection of this truth, where you lay down your life not only for your wife but for your children, too.
Children Are the Crown of Marriage’s Beauty: Children are not a burden—they are a joy and a gift from God. Psalm 127:3-5 tells us, “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.” Children enrich the marriage, filling it with laughter, growth, and deeper purpose. They are living testaments of love between husband and wife, and they bring a fullness to life that nothing else can offer.
As a father, you have the privilege of raising children who will carry on your values, faith, and love. The joy of nurturing new life and watching your children grow will surpass any worldly achievement. This is a profound part of the beauty of marriage—a legacy that continues through the lives of your children.
Marriage Helps You Grow in Biblical Virtues: The Bible is clear that virtues like patience, kindness, and self-control are essential in life. In Galatians 5:22-23, Paul lists the fruits of the Spirit, many of which are cultivated and refined through the challenges and joys of marriage: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” Marriage helps you practice these virtues daily, strengthening your character and your walk with God.
The idea that you need to “grow up” or “find yourself” before marriage is misleading. It is through the commitment of marriage that you grow in significant ways. In marriage, your spouse sharpens you, and you both grow together with your children into the people God has called you all to be.
Marriage Brings the Joy of Shared Adventure: Contrary to the belief that you need to explore the world or chase your dreams before marriage, Scripture encourages us to live life in partnership. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” Marriage doesn’t prevent you from experiencing life’s adventures—it enriches them. You, your spouse, and your children can travel, pursue dreams, and build a life together, sharing the journey and supporting one another.
The shared experiences of life—whether it’s traveling, building a home, or raising children—are made even more meaningful when you have a partner by your side. The joys are multiplied when they are shared, and the burdens are lighter when they are carried together.
Marriage and Children Complete the Picture of a Full Life: Marriage and children are part of God’s design for a fulfilling life. Genesis 1:28 gives us a clear command: “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.” This is not just about physical reproduction—it’s about building a life filled with love, purpose, and legacy. As a father, you have the opportunity to raise children who will carry the kingdom of God into the future, shaping the world long after you are gone.
Psalm 128:3-4 paints a beautiful picture of family life: “Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Yes, this will be the blessing for the man who fears the Lord.” Marriage and children bring a sense of completion and wholeness to life, providing joy, love, and a sense of purpose that goes beyond material success or personal achievements.
Conclusion: Embrace the Beauty and Fulfillment of Family Life Early
To embrace marriage early is to embrace a life of beauty, sacrifice, and deep joy. It is to choose a path that builds character, strengthens your virtues, and brings you closer to the fullest expression of what it means to be a man. The modern world may tell you to wait—to find yourself first, to achieve financial security, or to experience the world—but the truth is that marriage offers all of these things and more.
Proverbs 18:22 tells us, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” Marriage is a gift, not a burden. It’s a journey that will challenge you, refine you, and bless you with love and joy beyond what you could achieve on your own. Embrace it fully, and trust that God will guide you every step of the way.
Marriage with children is not a limitation—it’s the beginning of the greatest journey you will ever take. It’s not settling down, it’s leveling up!
Sent to my sons… thanks!
This is FIRE. Thank you so much.