The Forgotten Commitment: Why Churches Owe Baptized Boys More Than a Youth Group

I'm sorry if youth group was all you experienced

To the congregation (optional): Do you as a congregation undertake the responsibility of assisting the parents in the Christian nurture of this child? (56-5, Book of Church Order, Presbyterian Church in America)

If you were raised in a church that practices infant baptism but experienced a youth group model like those of churches that don’t recognize infants as members of God’s covenant people, I apologize. You were let down, and theologically, it shouldn’t have been that way. If you’re now transitioning to Eastern Orthodoxy, I understand. It makes sense. The Orthodox don’t treat their children like evangelicals do—every child is nurtured by other adults in the church. They are given godparents.

In considering how churches, particularly Presbyterian and Anglican ones, might approach spiritual formation for boys, the Orthodox Christian tradition provides a valuable model. Orthodox Christianity emphasizes the role of godparents in spiritual mentoring, assigning each baptized infant a godparent whose lifelong role is to guide the child in faith, moral integrity, and church participation. This role extends beyond the baptismal day, encompassing regular religious involvement, ongoing guidance in Orthodox teachings, and fostering a deeply personal and spiritual relationship. In Orthodox practice, this relationship reinforces the child's identity as part of the church community, entrusted to both their biological and spiritual family, which offers continual support and accountability throughout life.

This approach is particularly important in covenantal traditions like Presbyterianism and Anglicanism, which practice infant baptism as an entrance into the church community. These boys are considered covenant children, born into God’s promises, which implies a responsibility for the church to actively cultivate their faith, treating them not as outsiders but as integral members of the body of Christ. The Eastern Orthodox model shows that by appointing spiritual mentors from baptism onward, churches can create an environment where these young men feel continually supported and integrated into church life, making it clear that they belong to the church community.

Churches that baptize infants should raise their sons in a way that looks a bit unrecognizable to churches that require boys to perform an act of faith to be included among the people of God. Furthermore, churches that baptize infants should structure their youth ministries—if they have one at all—to ensure that each covenant child has their own spiritual director. For example, if a church has 10 boys, they need 10 mentors, coaches, or spiritual directors (“godparents”) to guide these boys into adulthood.

Anglicans, Lutherans, and Methodists understand the need. In the Anglican church for example, in their Book of Common Prayer, vows are made to children, before God and the congregation, by their parents and godparents:

Infants and Younger Children

Then the candidates who are unable to answer for themselves are presented
individually by their Parents and Godparents, as follows

Parents and Godparents

I present N. to receive the Sacrament of Baptism.

When all have been presented the Celebrant asks the parents and
godparents

Will you be responsible for seeing that the child you present
is brought up in the Christian faith and life?

Parents and Godparents

I will, with God's help

Boys are more alone and isolated than ever

Teen boys today report feeling more isolated and alone than in previous generations, a trend that social science data suggests is influenced by several interconnected factors. Increased time spent on screens, including social media and gaming, has replaced traditional in-person interactions and social support networks for many boys. According to a 2021 study published in The Journal of Youth and Adolescence by Woods and Scott, this shift to online engagement, while providing some sense of connection, lacks the emotional depth and stability of face-to-face relationships, leading to increased feelings of loneliness and isolation. This is especially problematic for teen boys, who may already face societal pressures to appear self-reliant and avoid openly discussing emotional struggles, resulting in fewer supportive outlets for their insights.

Moreover, the decline of community-based activities and local extended family networks (like cousins) that once fostered in-person friendships has left many boys without strong support networks. Although many boys engage in online gaming and social media, these platforms are not the place for emotionally and spiritually supportive interactions, which can heighten feelings of isolation. Jean Twenge's research, as published in iGen (2017), indicates that excessive screen time is correlated with decreased well-being and increased loneliness, particularly among boys who may find it harder to form close friendships in the digital landscape.

The mental health consequences of this isolation are significant. Boys who feel isolated are more likely to experience depressive symptoms, anxiety, and even suicidal ideation. This isolation can lead to a lack of emotional support, which is vital for mental resilience, making boys more vulnerable to the psychological impact of stress and anxiety. The trend underscores the importance of encouraging real-world social connections and supportive relationships to foster a sense of belonging and emotional well-being among teen boys.

It’s not 1950, today teens need more time integrated into networks of adults who care for them personally, otherwise, it won’t happen. Jean Twenge’s research in iGen (2017) highlights that shifts in family dynamics, technology use, and societal structures have reduced intergenerational interaction, causing kids to turn to peers for social engagement. With the rise of digital communication, adolescents are more inclined to socialize online, where adult presence is minimal.

Why aren’t churches raising sons with intergeneration care?

Incorporating intergeneration care could address the concern expressed by many teens and young men today, who feel drawn to traditions that provide meaningful adult discipleship. Research on mentorship supports this need: a study of over 70 mentoring programs showed that non-parent mentors offer significant benefits to adolescents, such as emotional support, identity development, and practical guidance during their formative years (Raposa et al., 2019), mentors help navigate complex social, emotional, and spiritual challenges, providing essential growth in self-regulation, empathy, and self-efficacy.

In a church of baptized infants, the fathers and brothers of the covenant community come together to collectively raise the church’s sons, while the mothers and sisters do the same for the girls. This responsibility is not outsourced to paid staff; rather, it is embraced as a communal way of life (Acts 2).

Scripture supports the importance of adult guidance for young people within the faith. For example, Deuteronomy 6:6-9 and Proverbs 22:6 emphasize the role of adults in shaping a child’s faith journey from an early age. Likewise, passages cited in the Presbyterian argument for infant baptism emphasize a lifelong inclusion in God’s family (Romans 4:13, Ephesians 2:11-19). By assigning spiritual mentors, churches uphold their doctrinal commitments and ensure that baptized boys receive the guidance, encouragement, and Christian community needed to grow into faithful adults. The low-church, evangelical youth group model cannot provide this type of covenantal formation. This approach, modeled after Orthodox and Anglican godparenting, strengthens covenantal bonds and addresses a cultural gap in mentorship that other Christian denominations might otherwise overlook.

Mentors play a transformative role in the faith development of teen students, providing them with consistent guidance, modeling spiritual disciplines, and helping them build a resilient identity rooted in faith. Research shows that non-parent mentors, especially those with shared faith values, positively influence teens by reinforcing spiritual beliefs, encouraging accountability, and fostering emotional and cognitive development, which are essential in adolescence (Raposa et al., 2019).

1. Modeling Faith and Character: Mentors exemplify a faith-based lifestyle, demonstrating how to integrate beliefs with daily actions. This modeling is crucial, as teenage boys often internalize values more effectively when they see them lived out. A study highlighted in Psychology Today showed that mentors who approach relationships as “listeners, encouragers, and supporters” rather than merely “teachers” foster trust and openness, making teens more likely to absorb these lessons of faith and character.

2. Providing Stability and Support: Mentors help teens navigate the often turbulent years of adolescence by providing emotional support and stability. Studies have shown that mentors are key in developing a young person’s resilience, self-confidence, and decision-making skills (Raposa et al., 2019). For Christian teens, this means mentors can guide them through faith-related questions, helping them understand how to apply biblical principles to life challenges, friendships, and personal growth.

3. Encouraging Spiritual Practices and Community: Mentors can also encourage spiritual practices like prayer, Bible study, and church involvement, which are foundational to a lifelong faith journey. In traditions like Anglican Christianity, mentors (in the form of godparents) maintain a lifelong commitment to support spiritual growth, participating in liturgical practices and fostering community involvement, which gives young men a sense of belonging and responsibility within their faith community.

4. Facilitating Identity Formation and Purpose: Adolescence is a crucial time for identity formation, and mentors help guide teens toward understanding their identity in Christ, rather than basing it on external success or peer acceptance. By nurturing this faith-based identity, mentors encourage young men to find purpose within their faith, shaping values and life goals that align with Christian teachings.

God Calls Them Strong

In 1 John 2:14, the apostle John emphasizes that young men are strong, that the word of God lives in them, and that they have overcome the evil one. This passage highlights several core aspects of a young man’s spiritual development, each of which can be profoundly influenced and nurtured by spiritual mentorship:

1. Strength and Resilience in Faith: John speaks to the strength of young men, and mentors can play a vital role in helping boys and young men harness this strength for good. Through guidance, mentors model how to channel strength not just physically, but morally and spiritually. Boys learn from their mentors how to stand firm in their beliefs, especially when they face moral challenges, and to rely on God as their source of inner strength.

2. Living in the Word of God: According to 1 John 2:14, the Word lives in young men. Mentors can help boys not only read Scripture but also internalize it, making it a foundational part of their daily lives. By showing boys how to meditate on, understand, and apply biblical truths, mentors help them grow in wisdom and knowledge. Mentors can lead by example, displaying how Scripture guides decisions and shapes character, which encourages boys to cultivate a lifelong relationship with God’s Word.

3. Victory Over Temptation: John commends young men for having overcome the evil one, recognizing their capacity to resist temptation. Mentors help boys recognize spiritual battles, guiding them to rely on God and Scripture when faced with challenges. Through regular, candid discussions, mentors can share personal insights on overcoming life’s obstacles and teach practical strategies for battling temptations. This guidance equips boys to face their own struggles with confidence, rooted in a biblical understanding of victory.

4. Building Godly Character and Confidence: Just as John acknowledges the unique strengths of young men, mentors can reinforce a boy’s sense of identity in Christ, helping him grow in self-confidence. By pointing to scriptural examples and modeling virtues such as humility, honesty, and perseverance, mentors help boys see how their spiritual strength and character glorify God.

5. Fostering Faithful Relationships: The bond between a mentor and mentee reflects the church’s calling to community and discipleship. Through mentorship, boys experience genuine care and spiritual companionship that goes beyond family. As mentors walk alongside them, boys see that they are part of a larger faith family, learning to give and receive support in their faith journey.

This mentorship model, rooted in 1 John 2:14, ensures that young men are not only taught about faith but are actively shaped by it, empowering them to live as committed and resilient followers of Christ.

Conclusion

Churches that practice infant baptism for boys are uniquely positioned to offer these young men a lifetime of spiritual advantage and support. This perspective is rooted deeply in the beliefs of the Presbyterian and Anglican traditions. The Presbyterian expression holds that baptized children, including infants, are covenant members in the family of God. This covenantal framework transforms the role of men within the church, inviting each man to take on an active, mentoring relationship toward the spiritual formation of these young boys. Infant baptism is not simply a one-time event but a long-term commitment, summoning the entire church community to invest spiritually in the life of each child.

In Eastern Orthodox Christianity, the practice of appointing godparents reinforces this principle by assigning a mentor who, from the day of baptism, takes on a lifelong commitment to guide the baptized child in their journey of faith. This relationship establishes a bond of faith and accountability that carries through all stages of life, reflecting the community’s shared responsibility in nurturing the young believer. Similarly, in the Presbyterian and Anglican traditions, infant baptism signifies the child’s incorporation into the body of Christ, and this spiritual adoption implies that the church family—especially its other fathers—should treat the boy as a full participant in God’s covenant community. Such care ensures that boys grow up with the understanding that they are not outsiders who must earn their place but are beloved covenant children, surrounded by the support of faithful adults committed to their spiritual growth. Their spiritual nurture, therefore, is not based on their actions but on God’s grace and mercy, already granted to them as children of the promise.

At a certain point in a boy’s life, a baptized boy should be initiated and integrated into the world of men within the church before leaving high school. For example, a church should never hold a men’s retreat without including teens. High school boys need access to and experience with adult conversations that explore the intersection of faith and the challenges of life.

The role of spiritual mentors is essential in helping young boys understand their membership in the people of God, giving them a foundation rooted in God’s promises. Biblical passages such as Ephesians 2:11-19 and Romans 4:13 provide assurance that God’s promises span generations, reminding covenant families that children are already included in the promises of salvation. For boys, this message is reinforced when the men of the church embody these commitments. When adult men live as mentors, they demonstrate to boys what it means to trust God fully, follow Christ faithfully, and grow into godly manhood. This mentoring presence equips boys to develop a resilient faith, strengthening them to face challenges with the support of a faith community.

In other words, “encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.” (Titus 6:6-8). How can we expect boys in the covenant community to learn these values from the men of the covenant community if they are kept separated with their peers, off in another room, treated as outsiders, and expected to "earn" grace before being included in the regular life of God’s people?

Once again, the fathers and brothers of the covenant community should collectively raise the church's sons together. Baptized boys deserve more than just a youth group. This commitment should no longer be presented as optional—there is simply too much at stake.